View Full Version : The Biscuit Report
In order to maintain the scientific dignity of the viz report yet not lose the most critical information of all, allow me to start The Biscuit Report in which we may share data concerning who is munching what and when.
Seasonal variations may present themselves, fashions and fads may come and go therefore this information requires to be recorded!
To set things rolling:
Date: 09-04-07
Dive: Furnace Tearooms, Loch Fyne
Temp:8 °C
Time: Noon & back of 2 pm
Tide: LW early flood
Viz: 5-6m first dive, 3-4 second dive.
Max depth: 18m.
Conditions: calm, becoming choppy by end of dive.
Biscuits: Fox's Chocolate Viennese.
:D
alexmaclennan
09-04-07, 21:18
:D :D :D
alex
Sir! I commend your scientific endeavour and quest for sub aqua knowledge!
(doffs hat)
Yours,
D Scrubber Esq
Divetart and Bon Vivant
Date: 09-04-07
Non-Dive site: Forties
Temp:7 °C
Time: evening tea break
Tide: 2-3 meter swell
Viz: roughly 9 miles
Max depth: 95 meter of water
Biscuits: Cheap Chocolate Digestives and Cheese and Onion crisps
Dear Midton,
for some time now i have admired your honesty in admiting that you actuall wear an orange drysuit.
at first i assumed you were a jaffa cake fan, but not so, you openly admit to eating Fox's Chocolate Viennese biscuits.
i think you are trying to pull the wool over our eyes & make us think you eat Fox's Chocolate Viennese, when in actual fact you, Midton, are a secret jaffa cake fan.
your not fooling me, only a few days ago you demanded to know what biscuits i was eating....
What biscuits? We need to know!:)
no midton, i think you needed to know what biscuits were being consumed just in case they were the cherrished orangey jaffa cakes..
it was too much to think that someone else could also enjoy them!
i put it to you midton to own up to your jaffa cake (with the orange centres. mmm) fetish!
An intriguing and well constructed conspiracy theory, stewart. :D
But I question one of its fundamental tenets: is a Jaffa Cake technically a biscuit at all? :eek:
is a Jaffa Cake technically a biscuit at all? :eek:
you may have a point charlie, isnt there some crazy law relating to the taxing of biscuits verses cakes which by calling your biscuit a cake helps keep the price down?
pretty sure i heard this, or something like it in the past.
anyone else heard this?
question... will we have to start another thread relating to, not biscuits, but cakes :confused:
Scuba-Doh!
09-04-07, 23:35
Dear Sirs,
as this Jaffa cake conundrum is a hum-dinger I propose we consult the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: h2g2 - Jaffa Cakes - A185104 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A185104).
Those not familiar with the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy may wish instead to consult The Free Encyclopedia, Wikipedia: Jaffa Cakes - Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaffa_Cakes)
You might be surprised, as I was, to find that Stewart is completely right about the VAT man fighting for Jaffa Cakes to be classed as biscuits as the United Biscuits, the owner of McVitie's brand Jaffa Cakes, states here (http://www.jaffacakes.co.uk/80256C1A0047922E/vWeb/pcTSTT5EPGEB)
Back in 1991, we fought a battle with the VAT man to prove that Jaffa Cakes are cakes, not biscuits, and therefore should not attract VAT.
So chaps, enough said?
For the biscuit connoisseur:
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/
Dear Midton,
for some time now i have admired your honesty in admiting that you actuall wear an orange drysuit.
at first i assumed you were a jaffa cake fan, but not so, you openly admit to eating Fox's Chocolate Viennese biscuits.
i think you are trying to pull the wool over our eyes & make us think you eat Fox's Chocolate Viennese, when in actual fact you, Midton, are a secret jaffa cake fan.
your not fooling me, only a few days ago you demanded to know what biscuits i was eating....
no midton, i think you needed to know what biscuits were being consumed just in case they were the cherrished orangey jaffa cakes..
it was too much to think that someone else could also enjoy them!
i put it to you midton to own up to your jaffa cake (with the orange centres. mmm) fetish!
Ah ha! Here we have the hub and the gist of the whole brouhaha!
I wasn't wearing my own drysuit yesterday, I was in black with blue trim. This left me free to indulge in any old biscuits I like!
BTW, try and guess which mobile phone company I use?
I see no conflict here. Simply add your biscuit info to your viz report if so desired. Once enough data is collected we could present the information as a pie chart ...
btw have we had a biscuit poll yet?
the current poll is a bit out of date - i took the answer ultimately to be: leave the map but blur your location ...
alexmaclennan
10-04-07, 13:24
Simply add your biscuit info............ could present the information as a pie chart
Been spending too much time with CharlieMcG again?
alex
BTW, try and guess which mobile phone company I use?
Is it T-Mobile ??
Is it T-Mobile ??
In finest Family Fortunes style:
"Our survey said . . . (makes loud 2-tone horn noise which can't be typed on a keyboard)"
Wrong!
Want a CLUE?
:p ;) :)
Is it O2... to help speed your decompression so you can enjoy your Jaffa cakes faster? :p
Is it O2... to help speed your decompression so you can enjoy your Jaffa cakes faster? :p
NOPE!
:D
BTW, try and guess which mobile phone company I use?
it must be vodafone :confused:
BTW, try and guess which mobile phone company I use?
must be 3, for more the biscuits.....
Tesco mobile for the BOGOF offers on the biscuits
Tesco mobile for the BOGOF offers on the biscuits
Good wrong answer!
I must say, the inventiveness of the answers is superb, but I'm surprised that nobody has got it right yet ;) :)
Anyway, the only time I eat biscuits is between dives (and no I don't mean between the end of yesterday's second dive and the start of my next one, whenever it is, as "between dives"), but I do think that biscuit eating is a critical part of any dive day!
Al.
I know now, thanks for the clues!!!
Its Virgin, for that first virgin taste of a biscuit fresh out its wrapper!! :)
Anyway, the only time I eat biscuits is between dives You stated in another thread that you were approaching 20 logged dives. So does that mean that you've only ever had 10 biscuits in your life or do you cram in massive numbers between each dive? If so, the chap at the Furnace Tearoom could probably retire early if you take a few trips there. :rolleyes:
I quite like munching on Creme Eggs interdive but that's another story. Got to keep up your blood sugar after all: it's purely a safety precaution. :cool:
Anyway, the only time I eat biscuits is between dives
just wait until you do a liveaboard holiday! :D
ohh, is it 'vodafone Egypt?'
chicken pakora, tunnocks tea cakes, and a couple of marlboro lights.
chicken pakora, tunnocks tea cakes, and a couple of marlboro lights.
lucky there are 6 tunnocks teacakes in a box.
thought i was going to have to bring out my other box, wheew :D
but then again, are these really biscuits :confused:
lucky there are 6 tunnocks teacakes in a box.
thought i was going to have to bring out my other box, wheew :D
but then again, are these really biscuits :confused:
I think that Tunnock's Teacakes are more likely to be classed as cakes than biscuits.
hmmm the biscuit report...
seems to have developed in to the soup report.:eek:
-dive-monkey-
21-05-07, 22:48
is your network orange by chance??
also find that the new fox choco chip cookies (with choco bottom and in a rather posh red packet) are rather tasty.....
is your network orange by chance??
also find that the new fox choco chip cookies (with choco bottom and in a rather posh red packet) are rather tasty.....
Mobile is, more by coincidence than design (drysuit was an Ebay special, paid about £40 for a perfect fit so I care so little about the colour that I have chosen to make it a virtue!)
You will note that the biscuit report tends to alternate between this thread and the vis report. I opened this thread to decompress the vis report (wrt biscuits), it seems to have been mildly successful.
More than happy for technical dive details to go on the vis report and surface interval goodies/snacks/sustenance to go on here.
Will make life easier for those who intend to collate the data obtained from the vis report if biscuits, sandwiches and soup go on this one!
Al.
I think that Tunnock's Teacakes are more likely to be classed as cakes than biscuits.
Actually, I'm pretty sure they're biscuits - it's a very important classification. McVities took the Inland Revenue to court to establish that a Jaffa Cake was a cake and not a biscuit, so if they see any Jaffa Cakes in the biscuit report, they won't be happy!
well, if they are a cake, I better tell my local co-op as they have them stashed in the biscuit section.
Have to say I am of the opinion they are biscuits.... not least cos it makes me feel less guilty snaffling a whole pack in one sitting :p
Simon
well, if they are a cake, I better tell my local co-op as they have them stashed in the biscuit section.
Have to say I am of the opinion they are biscuits.... not least cos it makes me feel less guilty snaffling a whole pack in one sitting :p
Simon
Well if it makes you feel better, however, I bet you wouldn't like to start paying VAT on them!
Oops didnt make myself clear... maybe cos of a chocolate rush :) Iwas jabbering on about Tunnocks as opposed to Jaffas.
Tunnocks are without doubt biscuits.....
Simon
Oops didnt make myself clear... maybe cos of a chocolate rush :) Iwas jabbering on about Tunnocks as opposed to Jaffas.
Tunnocks are without doubt biscuits.....
Simon
No, they are Cakes, Tea Cakes to be precise!
No, they are Cakes, Tea Cakes to be precise!
Wot he said! ^^^^^^^^^^^ :)
is your network orange by chance??
why didn't we think of that? :rolleyes:
Lizardland
22-05-07, 13:59
Applying the precedent of the Jaffa cake, does a teacake go hard or soft when it is left out? Personally, I haven't noticed any real difference in its condition (which is slightly worrying).
Other biscuit tests... does dunking it in tea improve it? I'd have to say no. Can you get an entire packet in a standard biscuit barrel? Again, no, not unless you have a big biscuit barrel. Where does it fit in the biscuit hardness scale (chewy Sainsburys cookies being at the bottom, cement-like ginger nuts at the top)... Obviously it falls off outside biscuit hardness parameters. You could sit on a Kit Kat and have a good chance of it surviving. Can't say that for a teacake.
A teacake is definitely a cake. Stands to reason.
Is your network a long piece of string and two Baxters soup tins?
Cheers,
Stuart
I think a Tea Cake (the biscuity bit at the bottom) goes soft when it goes stale, indicating it is a biscuit (and more worringly Lizardland - why have you been reading tax cases? at least I have an excuse)
However, in my opinion, the concluding evidence is to be found on Tunnock's website - it calls the tea cake 'a biscuit'.
I think a Tea Cake (the biscuity bit at the bottom) goes soft when it goes stale, indicating it is a biscuit (and more worringly Lizardland - why have you been reading tax cases? at least I have an excuse)
However, in my opinion, the concluding evidence is to be found on Tunnock's website - it calls the tea cake 'a biscuit'.
So it's called a biscuit and is labelled as a cake....
Well it fails the "does it look like a biscuit" test!
new poll I think!
Obviously it falls off outside biscuit hardness parameters. You could sit on a Kit Kat and have a good chance of it surviving. Can't say that for a teacake.
Stuart
Are you saying a Kit Kat is a biscuit.....:confused: Surely its a sweet???
Oh, no.... lets not open this can of worms up :rolleyes: :)
Simon
Lizardland
22-05-07, 16:11
(and more worringly Lizardland - why have you been reading tax cases? at least I have an excuse)
Have a look at my accounts and you'll understand :D
Where has that shredder gone...
Deep Seeker
22-05-07, 16:13
There's an urban myth that if it wasn't for the stupid gerkin you get in a MacDonalds burger the amount of sugar in it would mean it would be classed as confectionary. So seeing as I chuck the gerkin am I then eating a sweet? Cos if so the mush burger resembles the tea cake more than a kit kat. It certainly wouldn't pass the 'sit on it and see if it survives' test. :confused:
Have a look at my accounts and you'll understand :D
submitted mine 4 weeks ago, now sitting in terror behind the door.:eek:
luckily i stocked up with tunnocks teacakes.:)
submitted mine 4 weeks ago, now sitting in terror behind the door.:eek:
luckily i stocked up with tunnocks teacakes.:)
I know that feeling...........................
I know that feeling...........................
it never changes even with experience.
big thanks to the Labour goverment for this years 2% pay cut... http://www.cusac.org/e107/e107_images/emotes/CuSAC1/rant2.gif
Barstewards...
craigdiver
22-05-07, 21:18
I only eat one teacake while offgassing! (the one on the left!!!)
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l246/craigdiver/Teacake.jpg
1.4Kg teacake courtesy of www.pimpthatsnack.com (http://www.pimpthatsnack.com)
Hmmm Yummm
CraigDiver
-dive-monkey-
23-05-07, 00:20
why didn't we think of that? :rolleyes:
are you taking the michael.....?:confused:
Lizardland
23-05-07, 10:13
it never changes even with experience.
big thanks to the Labour goverment for this years 2% pay cut... http://www.cusac.org/e107/e107_images/emotes/CuSAC1/rant2.gif
Barstewards...
Yeah, my 9th year as well... don't start me... just think about all the good that extra tax is doing...
Yeah, my 9th year as well... don't start me... just think about all the good that extra tax is doing...
the NHS is doing well....
public transport is booming...
wars are being properly funded....
so i guess they were saving for Tony's leaving doo.
the NHS is doing well....
Oh really?
Tell me about it!
I've worked for the NHS for 22 years, Agenda for Change is about to shaft me royally!
Viva New Labour (and I don't think!)
Al.
must be a bummer working in the same place you will end up in if you have a day off through illness:D
must be a bummer working in the same place you will end up in if you have a day off through illness:D
Yeah, I hope never to be my own customer!
:p
Al.
dive granny
24-05-07, 20:23
I thought Stewart's comments were 'tongue in cheek'. Least I hoped they were. I was a nurse for 35 years. Don't make jokes about ending up where you work. I know a nurse who worked for many years in a geriatric unit and a couple of months after she retired she ended up as a patient in the same place, after suffering a stroke :(
I thought Stewart's comments were 'tongue in cheek'. Least I hoped they were. I was a nurse for 35 years. Don't make jokes about ending up where you work. I know a nurse who worked for many years in a geriatric unit and a couple of months after she retired she ended up as a patient in the same place, after suffering a stroke :(
I'm sure they were tongue-in-cheek, but I'm a sarcastic sod who can't resisit stirring things in a gentle, hopefully light-hearted way!
Al.
taking a day of work to end up back at your work was the pun intended..;)
There's an urban myth that if it wasn't for the stupid gerkin you get in a MacDonalds burger the amount of sugar in it would mean it would be classed as confectionary. So seeing as I chuck the gerkin am I then eating a sweet? Cos if so the mush burger resembles the tea cake more than a kit kat. It certainly wouldn't pass the 'sit on it and see if it survives' test. :confused:
I'm a bit worried about all these 'sit on it' tests. I was just reading the thread about things being removed by gynaecological nurses removing things that people 'sat on'.
Divers: Midton and Tomy2Tums
Weather: Mild, bright and breezy
Biscuits: Midton, shortcake biscuits (now they appear to be a cake AND a biscuit, according to the wrapper!). T2T, Tesco flapjack.
Is a flapjack a cake? Is it a biscuit? Is it just a flapjack?
Drinks: Midton, lemon tea (ooh, get him!!!), T2T, coffee.
Hello.
Is there much to see off Macinroys point? I've never dived off there?
Hello.
Is there much to see off Macinroys point? I've never dived off there?
Surface wise yes, underwater...err no.
A nice sight for training and testing new kit.
I'll get a dive site report up soon.
Scrub that. I've just read your visibility report.
A nice snady bed 15m dive can be had at the Inverkip Boat Club. Bit of a trek getting your gear down from the car park 200-300m depending on tide.
There is a wrecked cabin cruiser at about 13-15m, lots of fish (for the Clyde) call it home.
There is a bit of a scallop bed deeper down as well.
Apart from that there isn't a whole lot to see but the bay is generally sheltered and the viz is kept good due to the sandy bottom.