Bear in a bar

[regthing]

A bear walks into a bar...

Bear: Can I have a pint of lager

Barman: Sorry we don't serve bears.

Bear: *in a gruff bear voice* I WANT A PINT OF LAGER

Barman: Look, I told you we don't serve bears, and we certianly don't serve bears that shout!

Bear: *in a gruff bear voice* I WANT A PINT OF LAGER, banging his paw on the bar,

Barman: I told you we don't serve bears, we don't serve bears that shout and we certainly don't serve bears that bang their paw on the table!

Bear: *in a gruff bear voice* I WANT A PINT OF LAGER, banging his paw on the bar then turning over a bar stool.

Barman: Again, I told you we don't serve bears, we don't serve bears that shout, we don't serve bears that bang their paw on the table and we certianly don't serve bears that overturn stools!!

Bear: *in a gruff bear voice* I WANT A PINT OF LAGER, banging his paw on the bar, turning over a bar stool and flipping a table.

Barman: Again, I told you we don't serve bears, we don't serve bears that shout, we don't serve bears that bang their paw on the table, we don't serve bears that overturn stools and we certianly don't serve bears that flip over tables!!!

Bear: *in a gruff bear voice* I WANT A PINT OF LAGER, banging his paw on the bar, turning over a bar stool, flipping a table then taking a bite out of the bar.

Barman: Right!, I told you we don't serve bears, we don't serve bears that shout, we don't serve bears that bang their paw on the table, we don't serve bears that overturn stools, we don't serve bears that flip over tables and we certianly don't serve bears that do drugs!!!

Bear: *with a puzzled bear look* Drugs?

Barman: Yeah!! I seen that bar-bit-you-ate

It's the way I tell 'em :D :D

[tomy2tums]

I'm recalling the new "side" I sent to Charlie.

[Gogs]

Oh dear.......

[Midton]

Or . . . .
A bear walks into a bar and says, "Can I have a Gin




















































and Tonic please?"

The barman said, "Why the big pause?"

:D

(Well, they're funny in Gourock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[Gogs]

:D

That was a good one.

[regthing]

:D

That was a good one.

OK. You asked for it......


This baby polar bear was sat with his mum on an iceberg.

"Mum," he asked, "am I a real polar bear?"

"Yes darling, of course you are." his mother answered.

"Yeah but, am I a proper polar bear, you know, a real one?"

"Yes dear," his mum replied, "You're dad is a polar bear, I'm a polar bear and your sister's a polar bear."

"I know that mum," he said, "but am I a proper polar bear?"

"Of course you are" said his mum, "now shut up and eat your seal."

A minute later the baby polar bear asks "Mum, I know what you've said, but am I really a proper polar bear?"

"Look," she says, "you are a proper bloody polar bear alright. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Well," he replies, "I'm ****ing freezing"

[charlie]

:D :D

Only one flaw: polar bears only live in the Arctic & penguins in the Antarctic! Unless they're in zoos I suppose. :rolleyes:



Q: What did the polar bear say when it saw the igloo?
A: "Oooo! I LOVE these things! Crunchy on the outside - with a nice chewy center!"

Q: Why shouldn't you take polar bears to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the movies.

Q: What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
A: The dentist.

Q: What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A: "Sandwiches!"

[Deep Seeker]

:D :D

Only one flaw: polar bears only live in the Arctic & penguins in the Antarctic! Unless they're in zoos I suppose. :rolleyes:


Sorry... did I miss the joke about penguins? I only saw a seal mentioned and the joke didn't mention the polar bears address did it?

(I think someone has had their thunder stolen from a joke before to know a fact like polar bears and penguins live in different places ;) )

Nick

ps I didn't bother with writing a joke cos I'm the one that tells them and then a tumble weed rolls by..

[Scuba-Doh!]

ps I didn't bother with writing a joke cos I'm the one that tells them and then a tumble weed rolls by..

Even the tumble weeds gave up on me. ;)

[regthing]

Sorry... did I miss the joke about penguins? I only saw a seal mentioned and the joke didn't mention the polar bears address did it?

Somebody must of edited the post....... ;)

[charlie]

Somebody must of edited the post....... ;)

ha... you got me there! :rolleyes: